What was the most venomous thing in our yard?

Yesterday we had a party. It was held to celebrate Michael's 6th Birthday, and it was a good party. We had the pool open, a Jupiter Jump, enough hotdogs and chips to make the Oklahoma National Guard feel at home, and the weather was, at least, tolerable.

Actually it rained .... a bit. Not enough to spoil anything, but enough so that I couldn't mow (good), and enough to keep the temperature below 90F (even better)

Michael had an absolute blast, and so did all the many other kids here. In the end, that was the point, so we claim the event a success.

Now let's talk about the adults for a moment.

This party was remarkable mainly for the fact that it is the first time since Michael's father left this house 3 years ago, that both sides of the children's family have occupied the same patch of (over-long) grass at the same time. The 2 weeks leading up to the function were punctuated by periods of Jodie worrying that the knives were all going to be used to cut food, and not find their way between the shoulders of varying family members.

Here is the reason. Jodie's family, and our friends, are decent, tolerant (well maybe not Tracy) and supportive. They are quite the nicest bunch of people I have met in many a decade. Jodie's ex-inlaws are dull, boring and filled with anger, resentment and enmity towards anyone not sharing the shallow end of the gene pool with them. The picture (right) shows two of the nice people, Jim and Ashley, Jodie's Dad and niece.

We have spent many happy hours, over the last three years, with Jodie's family, at many events from Baptisms to Thanksgiving, and rarely, if ever, has there been a cross word spoken. These people actually like each other. They even seem to like the weird Limey Jodie imported a few years back. Well they are at least polite enough not to object :)

Here are the Clampetts. Denny is the kid's Dad. He is the one in the foreground, who made a special effort to dress for his son's party. Now Denny I understand. He is not highly educated, but a hard working man who genuinely feels he does his best for his kids. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much of a grasp of their actual needs, so he gets it wrong, sometimes comically wrong, often tragically wrong. No matter, he works, he supports, and he visits with them.

Then he launches a futile legal action that deprives his kids of a good deal of money that, instead of being used to bring up his children, is used instead to meet the down payments on the Mercedes driven by various attorneys. He is a racist and a homophobe. To his credit, he is slightly less so than his father, and that is, I guess, to his credit. Nonetheless, yesterday he was respectful, and we were happy to have him here.

The rest of the tribe get no such credit. Jodie was concerned that I might be uncomfortable, given that this family has directed, albeit indirectly, a good deal of resentment in my direction. I assured her it was no problem at all. After all, they were coming to my house, to sit under a porch I built, on furniture I made and eat food I had not only had just been out and bought, but had cooked for them. I was perfectly relaxed. Besides, they are all way too busy concentrating on their own petty squabbles to worry too much about me ..... but for the record ...

One refused to meet my eye when introduced. Her problem. She also just fell out with her sister, and spoke to her probably even less than she spoke to me. One shook my hand, then wouldn't utter another word the whole time there. He did manage a good few hotdogs though, and he sat in my chairs, and was entirely unable to find anything to criticize. His wife was a little more forthcoming. At any other time she would have been downright rude, but these are strange times, and by comparasion she was fine.

Any way, they came, they partied and they left. They all went off to a restaurant for dinner, and I was going to say that I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall, but really, I don't care. They won't be coming back anytime soon, and even if they do, so what?

Jodie left that family after the best part of 10 years trying to make a life for herself and her kids. What took her so long? It's really quite curious watching these folk, and wondering about Jodie trying to fit .... she doesn't, she never did and she is a better person because of that. They will never see it. They are someone else's problem now.

There were other people here. Nice people, non-judgmental, or at least able to reserve judgment and enjoy family. They will come time and again, and we will enjoy them coming, time and again. We visited with friends, we partied and we sung karaoke until late. They went home happy and relaxed.

Tracy, by the way, is adorable .... quite one of the best friends a person could wish for.

Tracy's husband, Cory, has eagle eyes, and he found this lurking under the edge of the air conditioner. It is a Black Widow Spider. Technically, it is now an *ex-BWS* .... we squished it, sorry.

This little blighter is nasty. It is highly venemous, although, to be fair, rarely fatal. Being fair to spiders is an amusing concept, but hey, I like insects :)

It is was one of those *moments* when I realise I am a long way from much that is familiar to me. On the other hand, which ever side of the Atlantic you live on, squishing spiders is pretty much the same process.

Let's take a look at the birthday boy:

Jerry Falwell

Jerry Falwell is dead.

As another human being, I sympathise with the loss to his friends and family. Like the rest of us, Jerry Falwell was a family man, and he will be missed as any of us would be missed.

Jerry Falwell was, however, more than just a private individual; he had a public persona as the Evangelical Minister who founded the Religious Right, and turned it into a political power in this country.

As a public figure, Jerry Falwell left a stain on this land that no amount of Oxyclean will remove. It will take generations for his demonstrably un-Christian views and teachings to be erased.

Jerry Falwell did more than any other single individual I can think of, to set back the cause Freedom, Liberty and Justice For All in the United States.

Whatever might be said in the next few days and weeks let us remember that if you are black, gay, pregnant or simply wishing for your leaders to represent ALL the people, then today one of the obstacles to human decency died.

Mother's Day USA

Today is Mother's Day here. It is big in the US, way bigger, although no more significant than in the UK.

Julia Ward Howe wrote this, in 1870, when Mother's Day was proposed:

"From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace..."

In churches large and small, from shore to shining shore, I expect this sentiment was the central theme of morning services today.

Happy Mother's Day America.

sigh ....

I don't mind in the slightest, when I open the toilet to find the poop of our 4 year old sitting there.

What is less appealing, however, is the complete lack of visible evidence that any toilet paper was used.

Cute, isn't she?

America? Which America?

When I lived in England I had a view of America. It’s normal, we all do. America is a big influence there, as in many other parts of the world. My view varied over the years, as I grew up and influences on me changed; but also as I developed an independent perspective on the world around me.

Growing up, America wasn’t a nice place. The ideology my parents subscribed to held the United States responsible for a great deal that is wrong with the world. It was a view I grew up sharing, and, in truth, I can see where that comes from. It’s never quite gone away. It should have, because, as always, it’s never that simple. Let me give you a small example of how this view forms:

In theory, America is a Capitalist nation, where the vested interests of business outweighs the personal interests of the people. Of course it is never put quite like that, but judge me not by what I say, rather judge me by what I do! The old Soviet Union, on the other hand, was exactly the reverse. Again, it’s never quite so simple and Judge me not ……. Well you get the drift.

So let’s jump back a few years to the moment these two great cultures had a defining episode, and one which might, had two people of great wisdom and commitment not put country above personal considerations, have been a disaster for us all. The episode is known as the *Cuban Missile Crisis*.

I am not going to rehearse the argument. That has been, and continues to be done by scholars, and others, much better and more completely than I have time for. Rather, I would like to look at the conventional wisdom in the West. I’d like to briefly look at the two main contenders, and see what they predict for us all, in our differing environments.

America had John F Kennedy. A young President who has been pretty much raised to Sainthood here in the US. It is he who is credited with *bringing us back from the brink*, he who is seen as the strong, determined leader. He who represents the American Way. Kruschev is the enemy, the warmonger who was ultimately defeated by American might and resolve.

This is an unfortunate view. It is unfortunate that the tone of a nation can be set in this manner. I have little doubt that JFK had some very fine qualities. I equally wonder how much more just a society might this be had he been allowed to complete two full terms, then remain and still be influencing policy today. We’ll never know.

But how accurate is this *good guy*, *bad guy* scenario? Was Kruschev the evildoer? I suspect it’s not that simple. Nikita Kruschev was head of the Politburo and General Secretary of the Communist Party. Both positions required that he be elected by his immediate peers and colleagues. In the world of politics, both here and in Russia, such a position is not comparable to the US President. He is elected, indirectly, by the people, and can only be removed by Congress, or by term. Nikita Kruschev had many competing views, not to command, but to balance. JFK had only to follow his instincts. This is not to demean JFK, merely to compare their two positions.

Once those missiles left Russia, it is unlikely that Kruschev could have stopped them any earlier than he did. Had he attempted to do so, he could very easily have been replaced. What is important is simply that his replacement would have, by definition, been a politician with less inclination to turn the ships around than Kruschev; and then where would we have been? The only way those missiles were heading home was when Kruschev could convince the Politburo that the Americans were NOT going to back down, and that feat of diplomacy required JFK to play his part without over-reacting. Both men did what was needed, and a crisis averted.

It really does take two to tango. Kruschev needed JFK to be strong, and he was. The world needed those two men to *step up*, and they did. I am minded, at this point, to pause for a moment and wonder how the current incumbent at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue would have handled it …. OK, enough doom and gloom for one day.

My point, if you are still with me, is that the emotional health of this great nation would benefit immensely from realizing that there are shades of grey. That Nikita Kruschev may indeed have been a bad guy, but on that day he played a full and active part in probably the greatest test of diplomacy the world has ever faced. It might allow some here to realize that military might is not, ultimately, the solution to anything other than the bottom lines of the military suppliers.

It might help Toby Keith refrain from such crass nonsense as this:

Now, this nation that I love has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flyin in from somewhere in the back
Soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world like the Fourth of July

Hey, Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shakin her fist
And the eagle will fly
And there's gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringin her bell
And it'll feel like the whole wide world is rainin down on you
Hey, brought to you courtesy
Of the red, white, and blue.


Oh, justice will be served and the battle will rage
This big dog will fight when you rattle his cage
You'll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A.
Cause, we'll put a boot in your ass
It's the American way

I adore many of your songs, Toby, but really … grow up!

Where was I ? Oh yeah …..

So my view of America was formed by events such as this, events that had a profound effect on many yet don’t, I find, come to represent the reality here at all. They do, however, represent the views of a large and extremely noisy section of society here.

I live in Oklahoma. If I can’t live in *Old England*, then I would probably feel more comfortable in *New England* than I do here. There you have it. That is the thing about America that Europeans don’t get. When you talk about America, you have to ask: Which one?

Oklahoma is the State that allows you to shoot someone who approaches you in your car. Chicago has all but banned handguns. New York’s Mayor believes Gay Marriage should be permitted, and he’s a Republican. Oklahoma Republicans think he is going straight to Hell. Federal Law bans the use of religious symbols in State funded and operated institutions. Oklahomans put the Ten Commandments on the lawn in front of courthouses (actually, that is probably just to remind the judges arriving for work which of them they broke last night). Oklahoma has Toby Keith, Pete Seeger was from New York.

Oklahoma is not alone, and it’s not only Southern States that are different either. Oklahoma no more represents the USA, than does Washington DC, Vermont, Florida etc, etc.

The USA is not easily categorized, it depends where you are from, what background you have, what problems you face. I know that is true of many places, to an extent, but here it is magnified to a point where the entire nation is split along racial, religious, social, economic and political lines in a way that would be quite startling to Europeans (I know this, I came here and am more than a little surprised).

Americans take themselves way too seriously ….. seriously! As a nation, but less so as people, they give the world the view that they are a violent, greedy and dangerous country to have in our midst. Americans do not see this at all, but it isn’t helped by the very bad habit politicians have of giving the dumbest names to legislation. The Patriot Act! Implied in the title is that to oppose it would be unpatriotic. Actually what the Patriot Act does is to overturn 200 years of the Bill of Rights, and is the most deeply unpatriotic legislation this country has, with the possible exception of the Who Needs Habeas Corpus Act (they called that one the Military Commissions Act). Quite frankly, the world needs a Patriot Act to protect itself from the current band of villains running the show here.

In Oklahoma we have the Citizen and Taxpayer Protection Act 2007. Cute huh? Well basically it allows citizens here to abuse immigrants without fear of reprisals. Why didn’t they just call it the Immigration Act 2007? Simple. Immigration has bugger all to do with the State Legislature, it is a Federal matter. Govenor Henry, who signed this worthless piece of paper into law admitted as much, but he did at least have the common decency to stop the religious right’s attack on women this month. That was, by the way, about abortion.

I’m gonna stop here, conscious though I am that this is incomplete. I am well aware that I started this entry to look at some of the reasons and causes of the divisions, and I haven’t moved on to the biggest. I will though, but it will be later today, or in the next few days.

New Blog

Jodie has a blog:

jodiebsblog

I smell trouble ahead :)

Busted

Jodie has a lap-tray. Nothing unusual about that, you may think, and you would be right. Jodie’s lap-tray is special for two reasons. It is the second reason that earns it a place here.

Jodie went to college at age eighteen. As a parting gift, her sister Jennifer made her the tray in question. It’s kind of rectangular, with a cut-out so as to fit comfortably in the *lap* position. The tray is covered with pictures, newspaper clippings and magazine snippets that I guess were of interest to an eighteen year old Jodie.

Yesterday, Natalie told Jodie that there were pictures of both Mommy and Steve on her tray. This so patently isn’t true that Jodie asked Natalie to show her the pictures. Natalie pointed first to Jodie’s picture (which is on the tray), and then to a picture of a younger Patrick Swayze, of around Dirty Dancing vintage.

“There is Steve”, opined a clearly very intelligent girl.

“That’s not Steve”, was the rather unnecessary response from my dear wife.

“Steve says it is” ………..

Whether I did or not is kinda unimportant here. Any denials by me would be as believable as …. well …. A very unbelievable thing.

I still haven’t quit laughing though!

$uper Bowl

Today was SuperBowl …. In fact, it just finished a few moments ago. Fittingly, for a fairly mediocre game, if finished as it started, in pouring rain more reminiscent of Manchester than Miami.

For the record, Indianapolis Colts beat the Chicago Bears by 29 to 17.

Super Bowl this year is memorable for rather more than the game itself. As I already mentioned, the actual football can hardly be described as a classis encounter. On the other hand, as often is the case with sporting finals, the result is rather more important than the game; so tonight the Colts are happy. Incidentally, we all will now be spared the plaintive wails about Peyton Manning never having been to Super Bowl.

Two things stand out, for me, about this year’s event.

The first is that, for the first time ever, a black coach has lead a Super Bowl team. In fact, both head coaches were black this year. This ought to be a cause for celebration. Indeed it is, but the celebration is marred somewhat by asking one simple question: Why the hell did it take so long?

The unappetizing answer is *Racism*. The facts are clear. Seventy percent of NFL players are black. Twenty five percent of NFL coaching staff is black. So, either black players aren’t intelligent or ambitious enough to become coaches, or someone is refusing advancement in favour of lesser-talented, but lighter coloured applicants.

My belief is that racism (or to give it its more palatable name *institutional racism*) is alive and well in the NFL. Let’s not get too carried away by the NFL either. In our kid’s school, seventy percent of the student role is black or Hispanic; substantially greater, in percentage terms, than the headcount of the teaching staff.

Now I don’t pretend for a moment that the Principal of our children’s school is racist, nor that the majority of senior staff at NFL teams is either. However, the procedures for training, recruitment, employment and promotion are all still conspiring to prevent the reasonable opportunities for many.

These issues run very deep here. Only this week, a senior politician (Joe Biden) voiced, in a manner Freud would have recognized, the belief that blacks really aren’t generally in a position to make important choices and decisions. When asked about Senator Barack Obama as a potential Presidential candidate he made remarks about …. At last, a decent, clean, mainstream black candidate. I paraphrase, but the patronizing mis-beliefs were obvious. He seems to have forgotten Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Jesse Jackson, and Rosa Parkes …. Oh yes ….. Colin Powell!!!

Incidents and events like this say much about how far we have come, but rather more about how far we still have to go.

The second, and equally remarkable incident describes just how far America has allowed *Corporate America* to set the standard. Corporate America is not very nice. It is greedy, grasping, swift to retribution and callous. If there is a dollar, or cent to be made, they simply have to have it in their own pockets, and there is no room at all for much in the way of human decency. There are notable exceptions to this. Gap, Body Shop and Dove all spring to mind. The NFL does not!.

The NFL this week threatened a Church with legal action if they went ahead with their planned screening of Super Bowl, in church, on their projector screen. This caused many churches, probably thousands, across America to cancel, or hastily revise the plans they had made for today. Apparently there is an NFL rule that prohibits the public screening of NFL matches on screens larger than 55”. Oh, except if you are a bar, then the sky’s the limit. My cynical mind wonders if this has anything to do with Budweiser being the largest sponsor of the NFL. The excuse offered by the NFL was that it was *common practice* for bars to show sporting events on larger screens. My response isn’t printable, but involves the extension of rather fewer than my full compliment of digits in their direction; but, more reasonably, to suggest to the NFL that Churches, when they display any events, do so on the screen they have and is, thus, *common practice*.

My brother-in-law told me that his church was having to move the projector closer to the screen to reduce the picture size. I suggested they should show what they wanted and say *so sue us*. He replied that that was the suggestion of his sensible fifteen-year-old daughter, but that the church couldn’t expose itself like that.

When will someone here cry *FOUL*? Yellow flags should be raining down on NFL headquarters from Churches and other concerned bodies across the land.

All week, on TV and radio, I have been hearing about the stature of Super Bowl here in The USA. Even Katie Couric said that the event was right at the heart of American culture. As such, it is an event of National significance, and not simply a cash-cow for the NFL. No one, least of all me, would deny the custodians of this spectacle a reasonable profit. This petty restriction was not reasonable, and now not tested in court, unfortunately. The NFL tries to restrict all images of their games to its own peculiar set of rules. Their demands and strictures even suggest that using small, relevant excerpts is a breach of their terms and conditions. As far as I can work out this flies directly in the face of *fair use* laws. While the NFL may indeed put themselves above God, they cannot impose terms that breach Federal laws.

My suggestion is two-fold. American advertisers (for it is all about advertising) should pull the ads. One major company doing so would send shockwaves through Corporate America that would reverberate for years. Ironically, it would also garner millions of dollars of free advertising for the sponsor concerned.

Failing that, America should simply switch off. Just once, one year, go out and do something more useful instead. Turn off the TV, don’t watch it, tell the greedy, the uncharitable and the unconcerned that this time they went too far. One Super Bowl, no audience, job done.

This year, you wouldn’t have missed much.

Rap? Techno?

As I drive around this State, I become increasingly convinced that the apparent disrepair, or visible damage to cars on the road, is directly proportional to the inane quality and outrageous volume of music rattling the air-bubble laden tinted windows of the vehicle.

We should all have this problem

So I am watching ET …. That is the trashy TV program *Entertainment Tonight* and not the rather more interesting movie with the same initials. Quite why I am watching this junk momentarily escapes me, but it may have to do with the News having just finished, and my inability to immediately lay my hands on the remote.

Anyway, I am watching the aforementioned crap, when they begin to discuss Christy Brinkley’s divorce. Super-model divorces being something of a staple diet to US TV networks, y’understand.

Apparently there was a custody hearing today for the two minor children. Delightful though they appeared, quite why a responsible parent would want them pictured on national TV is a bit beyond me. My understanding of *good enough* parenting suggests that keeping them as far as possible from such exposure would be rather more appropriate, but I digress.

The Judge made all the usual recommendations of …. Don’t use the kids as messengers, be nice to each other, keep it out of court and never let them vote Republican ….. the sort of thing decent judges always recommend.

At this point, Ms Brinkley makes her only demand of the ex ….. that, should the National Terror Alert be raised to RED, he should only transport them via private jet.

I am dumbfounded!

Custody hearings are about who buys school shoes, which weekends they spend with Dad and which burned turkey they get to eat on Christmas and Thanksgiving. Not once during the messy custody battle we are currently involved in has a Private Jet been mentioned.

I perceive in this situation, a slightly greater understanding of the dichotomies in this country. Not just the inequalities between the *haves* (her), and the *have  nots* (us), but an apparently wealthy, educated and thoughtful woman who actually believes the Terror Alert system really means something.

And we still have the *State of the Union* address to come ….

Oklahoma Air National Guard

George is from New Jersey. I referred to him once before in this journal … the *Karaoke Hell Yeah* post. Nothing remarkable about George, other than him being a thoroughly nice guy who has made settling into life here easier than it may otherwise have been; except to mention that he is a Karaoke KJ.

Of late, George (The Jersey Devil) and I (Steve the Limey) have been running private parties together. Last night we entertained the Oklahoma Air National Guard at their Christmas Party. The party was held in the Mess Hall on the airbase, just north of here.

These guys … and girls, work hard, and party hard. From the Colonel in the afro wig and flares, to Tammy, the sergeant who organized the bash, all had a great time. And well they should. These young people, some barely out of High School have served tours of duty in Iraq recently, and many are soon to return there.

Quite regardless of the rights and wrongs of the situation in the Middle East, the young airmen and women cheerfully pack up and fly 8000 miles to endure who knows what. Most return home intact. Some don’t. None of them knows when they leave what the future holds, and for a few it will be dire. I guess all of them miss their Moms.

Whatever, they go, they do our dirty work, and they come home again and party … at least on the outside.

I found myself looking around at all the very young, smiling faces, and wondered how many wouldn’t be alive to sing at next year’s party. I hope they all will, but hope doesn’t provide body armour. Hope doesn’t stop the shooting. Hope will not bring these people back to their families. But hope is all I have.

Hope that sense returns.
Hope that sanity prevails.
Hope that the bullets miss … on both sides.
Hope that those who send these troops to fight are wise, and caring.
Very little hope on that last point.

As I looked around the hall, and felt close to the soldiers who just do their jobs as best they can, I didn’t feel any less British; but I did feel just a little more American.

Come back safe, and see you guys next year.

Black Friday revisited

It’s that time of year again ….

Once more, I ventured out into the event known as Black Friday.

Today, I can officially announce the adoption of a new time-zone, WST. This is Walmart Standard Time, and it is precisely two minutes in advance of Central Standard Time.

Happy shopping !

Email to amazon.com

Dear Sirs,

Your X-Box promotion was little short of appalling.

No one minds not being one of the 1000 lucky customers. We didn't even expect to win one.

What is unforgivable is your technical inability to even serve the appropriate pages. You should have anticipated the demand, and provided the bandwidth to accommodate the requests.

We are not only unimpressed by this outrageous failure to meet a demand you created, but are reluctant to spend any more of our very hard-earned dollars for any items offered by you.

I am dismayed that it has come to this, after years of happy trading, but we will not be treated in this manner.

Yours

Steve Bracken

The Spirit of our Marriage

The Spirit of our Marriage,
Lies not in the Horse and Carriage,
The top-hat and the veil,
Are not the symbols that prevail,
The vows of faith and eternity,
Are not the things that make it work for me,
Children, home and pets,
Make not the bedrock where it sets.
If I plight my troth to thee,
That's the way I choose to be,
The day we wed I had my say,
It was forever, and a day,
The symbols we rely on,
Even the bed we daily lie on,
Make mischief if we feel,
They represent what's true and real,
When we grow old, and days are short,
The vows we took will count for naught,
What matters most is what's inside,
The private parts we seek to hide,
Therein the Spirit of our Marriage lies,
Within our hearts, where it defies
Attempts, thoughts and actions that misconstrue,
It lies in me, and it lies in you.

Steve, 2006

Boogers and Vomit

We get to spend quite a bit of time in the car. We go to Okmulgee a lot. Less now that Jodie works in Broken Arrow, but all the family are down there, and we visit.

To get to Okmulgee is about a 50 minute car ride. Now car rides are generally ok, air-conditioning, decent stereo and cruise control takes care of that. The highway requires little in the way of steering input, and it’s an altogether easy enough experience.

The one significant fly in and otherwise unsullied ointment, is that we generally have three small children occupying the rear seat, much in the manner that you might expect three large and untrained tigers to manage.

They are, in descending order, Mackenzie (7), Michael (5) and Natalie (3). Natalie appears to have crammed about 30 years worth of learning how to be cute and disgusting at the same time, into 3 years.

So, parents out there, and children old enough to read will understand that car rides are a cross between episodes of frightening rage and threats of child abuse, and periods of serenity. The former when they are awake, and the latter when they are asleep.

Just every now and again you have a journey that is FUN. We had one yesterday.

We had spent about 30 minutes taming the tigers with the aforementioned threats of torture (or *questioning*, if your are reading this and happen to be the US President), when Mackenzie suddenly made *vomiting* noises, and announced that Natalie was eating boogers (bogies, to the English).

This was an interesting turn of events, thought Steve. Gotta be some comic value here. Well …. Nat eating boogers was funny enough, but Mackenzie being disgusted was even better.

“Are they crusty and small, or green and slimy”, I asked, innocently.
“Ugh! I’m going to vomit”, said Mackenzie, following this with “and she still has them, under her tongue!”.

“How many do you have Nat?”, I inquired. The answer came back with a lifting of the offending tongue to show everybody “TWO”.

“I’m feeling really, really sick now”, complained child number one.

“Yeah Steve, and if she is then YOU are cleaning the car!” was the comment Jodie felt obliged, rather unnecessarily, I thought, to make.

“Ten green boogers, hanging on the wall,
Ten green boogers, hanging on the wall,
And if one green booger, should accidentally be eaten,
There’d be nine green boogers, hanging on the wall”.

“Good song Steve”, yelled Michael, who is a boy, so *booger* songs by adults rate pretty highly with him.

“Mom, make him stop. I’m really gonna vomit!”, squeaked the seven year old.

“Ten cups of vomit, standing on the wall” ……………….

Well you know the rest (

Fifteen minutes of rolling around laughing, while trying to drive and avoid the usual crowd of cell phone using, mascara applying and donut eating drivers so often bent on running you off the road, made the journey FUN !!!

No, she never did vomit …….. phew.