Saturday, June 16, 2007
Humans .... Can't live with them, can't kill them!
My name is Sheffield. I am the gorgeous girl you see on the right. Aren't I just the cutest? I am almost two years old, and I live in Tulsa with my sister, Wednesday. She's the stoopid one. She was born at the same time as me, and was generally considered to be the runt of the litter, but now she's twice my size and don't I just know it!.
Anyways ... for about two years we have allowed a family of humans to live with us .... the smell is awful, the menu is boring, and sometimes the silly sods lock us out at night :: sigh :: On the other hand ... the food is free, and we have them pretty well trained. Well, all except the short, and often very scruffy, blond one whose hair is even longer than mine. She could almost be a cat, were she not so obviously devoted to the rest of this disfunctional family. Showing devotion, by the way, is something no self-respecting cat would ever do, not unless it wanted to repeat Grade school with the emphasis on *How to be a cat 101*.
Life has been pretty good until recently. We repay our humans by offering regular treats .... mice, lizards and snakes being particular favourites of theirs. See ... we at least try to offer them a varied diet ... but they aren't getting the message. Must be the school system, or something. Wednesday and I have recently been discussing how we might offer a little more, but we don't think the elder female human is quite ready for possum!
Where was I? Oh yes ....
Humans ... You know, we are easily pleased. We want to be fed, and we want you to leave us alone. Leave us alone. If we want you, we'll let you know. If we don't let you know, it's because we don't want you right now. Deal with it.
On the whole, we think it's a decent arrangement. We let you live with us, and you behave yourselves. Not too much to ask is it? There are several dos and don'ts. Right at the top of the *Don't* list, is DONT GET A DOG.
So what did our humans do? Did they get a dog?
No. They got TWO dogs !!!
Two scraggy little furballs that look more like baby bears than dogs. I mean, just how stupid can one human family be? I kid you not, these dogs (spit) are just a mess. They are called Edmund and Baldrick. We simply call them Dumb and Dumber, and the names suit them, believe me!
We were so sure we had these idiots where we wanted them. Even the midgits had stopped hauling us around like we were some kind of Barbie Doll, but no. Just when you think you can look forward to a long. prosperous and peaceful existence, along comes these:
Sometimes, I just throw my paws up in despair.