Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Minister of State at the Department of “Get a life”

Ok, so I thought this was an “English” disease. And it is true, we do have a bad case, but it seems the symptoms have spread way beyond our tiny borders. Borders which have repelled everyone since William the Conqueror, I might add, and He was invited. So maybe we are a tad more scrupulous about keeping things out, rather than keeping them in.

This is probably a “good thing”, as we can encourage the Spice Girls, and Arsenal, and the Welsh to leave, then pretend we are all out when they come back …. Talking here about precisely whom we may wish to keep out would need a little more space than I have available.

Oh yes, what is the disease? Well it is moaning, whingeing, whining and complaining, and assorted other acts likely to turn a perfectly good day into a trial. Worst of all are the people who simply refuse to accept that the world is a different and, by and large better place, than it used to be.

We English are used to this … the phrase “Little Englander” being commonly heard applied to those who refuse to accept the notion that “Johnny Foreigner” could possibly have a point of view. Oh, and if the point of view at issue happens to be Gay, Black or, in some cases, female, then Little Englander, from Sutton-Under-Wold, Home Countyshire, will be seen venting his ire to the point of apoplexy, In the local bar or golf club of a Sunday lunchtime.

So I have been in Oklahoma. A later entry will give my view of the Oklahomans I met, the welcome I had and the fact that I could easily spend the rest of my life there … but for now I wanna talk about the “seedier” side of life … the Redneck (attitude, not work ethic), the “Little American”.

Here is a revelation for me ….. you have them too …. Lolol And apart from anything else, they do provide an endless series of opportunities for mischief-making at their expense (best to avoid the ones actually carrying pump-action shotguns)

So here is where the Government Department for Get A Life comes in. I know the US Republican Party is a party of “small government”, and the idea of yet another Dept. of State might not appeal … but bear with me. My journal has actually separated Church from State already, a concept all y’all seem to be struggling with, at the moment. So I figure a teensy bitty new dept would be ok. Besides, the Democrats aren’t immune from gazing at their own navels either.

This department will seek to fairly govern ALL the population, free from prejudice and malice …. We ARE breaking new ground tonight … and strike fear into the hearts of the whingers, and more especially their attorneys, wherever they chase an ambulance or attempt to start yet another futile “Class Action” that benefits no one but the lawyers, and generally makes the place less open and relaxed that it could be.

It was an accident, ok? No one was to blame, no one should get 50 000 dollars because they broke a fingernail, schools should be able to organise outings, and fieldtrips with a element of fun and danger, without needing prohibitively expensive insurance because little Lori, or Randy scratched his/her arm on a nasty, wasty bramble ramble. GET A LIFE !!! Want your kids to grow up as wusses? Well then, protect them from every danger known to Man (or thought up by attorneys)

Attorneys, by the way (except for mine) should actually be told, en-masse, to get a life :)

So … next time I am in South Carolina, and I read in the newspaper about moves to have the Flag of the Confederacy flying alongside the Stars and Stripes …. The Minister will have the full authority to say “Dangnabit it ain’t gonna happen, no siree! You lost, deal with it, GET A LIFE”

I’m a Limey, and I love to hear Johnny Horton’s “Battle of New Orleans”. But here is the thing …. We lost, and we actually don’t mind. Apart from the aforementioned “Little Englander”, we are generally pleased at how our cousins from Left Pond conduct most of their business … we got over it! (plus it means that Europe, esp. the Germans, generally don’t hold us responsible for your Foreign Policy (sic))

So there we have it. An end to the whingeing and a return to the real values of the past people hanker after … freedom to roam, live peacefully, raise a family, without the attendant poverty and ill health that afflicted us all in the “Golden Years”

Just ….. “get over it”, and grin.

*editors note

The author of this journal accepts no responsibility whatsoever for the increased consumption of Krispy Kreme for breakfast, by Floridians.

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