Choices

So I got to thinking about choices.

This happened while I was negotiating the website that is www.amazon.co.uk It’s Joe‘s birthday on the 28th, he will be ten. Yay! Double figures at last. Anyway, I needed to buy a present that I could have delivered. I already posted a card, but postal rates being what they are, it is cheaper to pay the Amazon delivery charge. I’m not going to tell you what I bought, because there is a chance Joe will read this before Sunday, and the element of surprise will be lost. It is worth a small diversion here to remind everyone that an element of surprise is important to Joe; it reminds him that the adults in his life can still, with careful thought, outwit him.

So where was I? Oh yes, Amazon, and choices …

Well Amazon served to remind me that around a half a million or more items to choose from for a birthday present is way too many …. Maybe I should have just search for “under $5” …. Ha! Only kidding Joe … $5 is far too generous, unless we are talking Canadian Dollars, but that is a whole other journal entry

That is one kind of choice. If ever you want an example of the danger of too much choice, think no further than mobile phone ringtones …. I need say no more!

The other kind of choices, are the life choices that have lead me to be here, and away from Joe (and Tom) on his birthday, in the first place. At this point in my journal, I stand bare-arsed under the cold shower of reality. I miss them. And missing them is set to get a whole lot tougher, just at a time when other aspects of my journey take on an exciting new phase. Sometimes I wonder how people remain intact, sane, functioning, under the pressure of such competing emotions. Then I remember that they often don’t, and am minded to count my blessings. A friend of mine uses a “Tag-line” something like this: If my barn burns down, it simply gives me a view of the stars. She stole it, I am sure …. But all the same, it’s great.

Tonight I am flying to Tulsa by way of Dallas. I am writing this while I wait for my flight at Baltimore Washington International airport. I am flying to meet Jodie and, for the first time, her children, friends and family. I am flying to be “on show”. People want to make judgements, and they have the right. I am flying to sing at Annie’s birthday, to eat turkey and visit a High School. I am flying to my future and, miss my boys tho I do, I am happy tonight.

Happy Birthday Joe, I love you.